Serves You Right

You don't deserve Oden or Durant. Celtic fans don't have a fuckin' thing to complain about. You tanked the season. You have 16 championship banners. You had several of the greatest players of all time. And it doesn't stop with basketball. The Patriots won three Super Bowls. The Red Sox won the world Series in 2004 and have a 293-game lead in the AL East. So shut your mouths.

The only football team New Jersey really has is Rutgers (thank god they don't suck anymore). We don't have a baseball team. We're not even going to have a basketball team soon. We depend almost entirely on New York for our sports jollies. Even the Knicks suck now! Remember when they passed on Bird in the 1978 draft? The last championship a New Jersey team won* was the 1974 ABA Finals.

*Nobody likes hockey.

The NBA's Shittiest Uniforms

Basketball is the most entertaining sport ever created. That being said, one of my biggest complaints about the NBA is one of the most childish you will ever hear: the uniforms don't look as cool as they used to. I know teams feel like they need to keep up with the times, and updating your club's jersey is a viable way to do so. And a fan that judges a team based on their jersey is a fan you do not want. But cool looking jerseys ARE awesome. I especially like the ones with the football uniform numbers. Not those bitch-ass Cincinnati Bengals jersey numbers. I'm talking Jets, Giants, basically every other team in the league. And we're off:

Detroit Pistons: What is this? Chauncey Billups is number rectangle? Oh, that's a ONE.

They used to look cool in the 80s:

Houston Rockets: Jesus these are bad. The rings are ridiculous. The numbers are disgusting.

These 80s/early 90s joints are fire:

Dallas Mavericks: I don't even need to say anything anymore.

Peep the throwback: (this was only 1999! Mark Cuban, do something about this.)

New York Knicks: This isn't bad per se, but you don't need all that extra shit.

See what I mean?

Phoenix Suns: Great team, shit uniforms. The away ones look even more ridiculous.

That's a far cry from this simplistic beauty:

Philadelphia 76ers: Eww.

Throwback:

Golden State Warriors:

Throwback:

Washington Wizards: Because "Washington Bullets" works on so many levels.

These days changing the name back to the Bullets would take nothing short of a fucking miracle, but you could at least change the uniforms. Plus Gil would love it:

Indiana Pacers:

Throwback:

Oh and another thing: for a while in the mid-late 90s, the shoes NBA players wore looked like complete shit. More on this later (maybe).